Thursday, July 24, 2014

My Relatives Keep Getting Their Jabs In

Just when I thought my rotten relatives had decided to leave me alone, they get yet more jabs in. Today, via USPS, I received a large Manila envelope sent July 22 from Troy, Virginia, with this scrawled in black magic marker on the back:

Well Dick (your mom named you appropriately) she forgot to make your middle name Head
Also she said to say hi!!!
The envelope contained no letter or note, just various old photographs, including my senior class portrait and a large, now somewhat crumpled, photograph of my daughter around two years old that had once been in the possession of my (now departed) maternal grandmother. I guess what needed to be said was said on the back of the envelope.

Obviously a relative of mine is ultimately responsible for this latest jab, since a relative would be the most likely candidate to have taken possession of those photos after my mother died last October. However, no one who really knows me calls me "Dick". I've always been called "Ricky" (when I was a kid) or "Rick". My classmates in high school took to calling me "Rich", but no one who ever knew me ever called me "Dick". Strange.

Another strange thing, if my mother said to say "hi!", it must have been through a medium or a Ouja board. Like I said, she's dead and buried, and good riddance! I know this sounds like a horrible thing to say about one's own mother, but my mother was a pretty horrible person. I will keep saying so 'til the day I die. My family has already tried to shut me up once, through a lawyer's "scare tactic" letter. It didn't work. As a matter of fact, if they keep getting their jabs in, I'm going to keep speaking my mind.

Google maps and White pages dot come being wonderful things, I discovered that one of my uncles lives only about twenty miles or so from Troy, Virginia. Of course, it appears that he does not reside there alone. Is this other person with the same last name residing in the same town wife number three (or maybe even number four or five)? Are they the likely suspects for sending the envelope inscribed with the hateful message? I wonder.

Maybe it was actually the Devil who wrote that nasty message on the envelope, since my mother said to say "hi!", and she's surely in Hell!

Here's a photo of that nasty message on the back of the envelope that arrived in the mail today:


Richard Fay said...

To all my rotten relations out there: don't you realise you look like miserable fools when you send me nasty messages via USPS?

Gotta thank whoever was responsible for the nasty message scrawled on the envelope for proving my point: my relations are truly rotten!

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: with relatives like mine, who needs enemies?

Consider the source: the relative I strongly suspect in the case of the poorly-written nasty message scrawled on the back of the envelope that arrived in the mail today is a drunken wretch with a plebeian sense of humour and a record of failed marriages. He also had a business fail, and blamed the IRS for the failure.

Richard Fay said...

A final word about the message scrawled on the back of the envelope that came in the mail today: "Dick" is my step-father's nickname, not mine. It suits him better.